Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
