Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
