remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
