Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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