I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
