I saw his package. It spoke to me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
