holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
