my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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