2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
