I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
