Me. At least after what I've been through.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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