My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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