i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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