Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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