my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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