ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
