I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
