We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
