You surviving the open bar?
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she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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