either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
