he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
