Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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