he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
