the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
