just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
