mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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