I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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