If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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