Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
