I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
