Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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