Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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