i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
