I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
