How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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