which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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