he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
