You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
