Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
