last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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