Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
