**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
so much tequila, so little girl.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
