Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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