i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
how drunk are you?
Several
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
