If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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