After last night, I could never be a politician.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
