Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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