So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
