remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
