honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
did you just send me my own nude
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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