I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
