My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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