I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
