i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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